I have been listening and engrossed in AR for around a year and I can say for the first time I did not like this answer at all. The whole “there are different parts of us that want another spouse and ...” snd “ same with the affair partner.. there prob were parts of her that loved being in an affair with the affair partner” etc. and “it takes time to sort through all those parts”. What??? Seriously we have gone to ems and done every other part of this. The advice is usually so
Comforting and helpful. But this answer is honestly gobbledygook. I understand he is certified in another kind of therapy and family systems but his answer loses so much of what this whole program teaches.

If a woman makes easier for someone like an AP or a random person to get her into bed and is more willing to have show excitement towards someone like that than she is towards her husband, that shows me that she is only focused on her own wants and needs and places them far above the needs of her husband. If you have already married her and established a life together then you have already given her more effort and meaning than the AP or anyone else she was willing to sleep with. If that is not enough to make sex meaningful then nothing will ever be enough to make it meaning to her enough to show excitement. All of that just tells me she is a very selfish person. Another thing that has stuck with me from reading about relationship issues is "it is easier to act your way into a new way of feeling than it is to feel your way into a new way of acting". She needs to put some emphasis on her betrayed husband's needs before she can even think about her own at this point. She may be a rape victim but the husband didn't inflict that damage, she did however inflict major trauma on him with infidelity.