My husband had a second affair with the same AP he was involved with 7 years ago. She works with him and he maintains that it was primarily a sexual affair and not an emotional attachment. He refers to her as low hanging fruit - ready and willing. He says that it was an escape from reality and problems - a stress relief. My D-Day was in august and he relapsed with her on 2 occasions in November. We attended the EMS weekend in December and have been involved in recovery since then. This month my husband left our home for 2 weeks to stay in a leased townhome by himself to jumpstart his heart. I am confused about that. He said he feels like he is suffocating and has chains around his heart and that the guilt of his sin is so heavy he feels like he's carrying around a 50 lb. weight. He is now on antidepressants and is seeing a Christian counselor who is helping him work on his vertical relationship with God. I feel like I am being rejected again and because he can’t come to terms with what he's done, the shame is overwhelming. I feel like he is holding onto something and I don’t have full disclosure. How do I get to the truth or full discovery? I feel like he is still deceiving me. He was talking about ambivalence, but he said it’s not about choosing me or the AP and that it is over with her. How do I believe him? He has started the men’s Hope for Healing course and is now back home now with me and our boys. He is being accountable and transparent and says he has hope and believes in the future of us. He says he is desperate to figure out the “why” behind the infidelities so he doesn’t hurt me again. Any insight or recommendations on how to move forward would be helpful. Thanks