Q&A Is It Common for People to Rationalize Behaviors Other Than Intercourse as 'Okay'?

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Question: 

Hi Rick, My wife cheated for 6 years with her boss when our children were very young, she became pregnant with the AP's child, had an abortion blaming me for getting her pregnant. This was between 1990 - 1996. A job transfer ended the affair and she now admits she had no intentions of stopping it and even tried to force him into leaving his wife. In the end she realized he was just using her for sex and she never confessed until March 30th 2017 after what I believed to be a 35 year storybook marriage. Since her confession she insisted on a polygraph to prove it was a single affair and just one man. Since then we've had many ups and down but believe EMSO is helping. My new fear is with emotional affairs up to and including making out, heavy petting, but not intercourse. Each time I bring this up the look on my wife face is that of March 30th and I'm certain she somehow decided it was wrong to have intercourse outside of the marriage but it was OK to have emotional and "lite sex" affairs. Her look says it all and the complete new round of defensiveness and screaming. Is this normal? Do career betrayers, rationalize things such as “if I stop it here or with that it's OK”? Its terrifying and a whole new round of D days as her disclosure method is liken to a leaky bucket. Thanks!!

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