Q&A Is It Normal for Him to Still Think about Her and Desire Her?

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Question: 

Hi Rick, my mate has already physically cut ties with a married person he had an emotional affair with 2 years ago. However, he still thinks of her daily and desires her. I feel that this is a continuous emotional betrayal to me as he hasn't let her go in his heart and mind. Consequently, this is hurting me very much. Is it normal and acceptable for him to still think of her and desire her so much after so long? Because of the hurt, I'm not cooperative with him, which I know doesn't help in our recovery. But how do I heal from the hurt when he hasn't let the affair partner go? He often says that he's back in our relationship out of the right thing to do and not because he desires to be with me. Also, how do we define monogamy from a Christian perspective with regards to an emotional affair? My mate has done Hope for Healing and is currently in SLAA; I'll be joining Harboring Hope when it's offered again; we've done EMSO and are we're currently pursuing counselling (though our current therapist hasn't really been helpful and we are searching for a new therapist).

 

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Unfortunately, his repeated

Unfortunately, his repeated claims of being back in the marriage because it is 'the right thing to do' versus his desire to be with her suggest that there is more going on in his mind than his own recovery. This should be addressed. If he desires to leave the marriage, he should not be held there just because he feels that it is the right thing to do. I agree that he needs to focus on his 12-step process, but this requires a closer examination, especially because of his repetitive claims.