Rick, it has been a year since I discovered my husband's affair. We have been in counseling for several months, and I am taking the Harboring Hope course. I have realized, especially through your analogy of recovering from a car accident that is someone else's fault that most of our recovery work falls on me. I accept that, I'm working hard, and things are getting better. However, I think we are both a little confused as to what HIS "recovery work" should look like. He has answered my questions, he attempts to support me when I'm flooding or having intrusive thoughts, and he has maintained no contact. Nevertheless, I feel that he should be working on himself somehow to ensure this never happens again. What exactly do you mean when you say the unfaithful needs to do his own recovery work? Thank you!