Q&A What Should I Do When My Mate Is Ranting at Me?

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I’m the unfaithful, and my wife and I are currently in EMS Online. We are six months or more from disclosure, and I feel like I’m making significant progress. I’ve repented of my sins, I’m seeking God, and I’m pursuing personal improvement through counseling and other avenues, but things seem to be getting worse and worse between my wife and me. Most of our interaction involves her getting angry and telling me over and over in many different ways all the terrible things I did. Long colorful texts, long verbal rants, long “conversations” that are simply her raging at me for the horrible person I was and the horrible things I did to her. The content of her general message is the same…you didn’t love me, you didn’t care for me, I wasn’t enough, you used me, you did this, you did that, how could you? etc. I know that I did those horrible things, and I take responsibility for them. But it feels like she is intent on just constantly shaming me and beating me up for all the things I did. We try to have different kinds of conversations, but they generally end up here. When this happens, I tend to get very quiet. It’s hard for me to respond in any way other than “Yes, you’re right. I did that horrible thing to you, and I am so sorry.” I typically say that or just say nothing at all while she rips me to shreds. I wonder if her doing this is helpful as part of the grieving and healing process, or if it’s just destructive anger on her part that she really should stop doing. I also wonder when – or if – I should refuse to participate in “conversations” of that nature. Please help!



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