Q&A Why Does Affair Recovery Use the Negative Label ‘Unfaithful Spouse’?

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In EMS Online, Week 5's topic - Anger Management, there’s a list of cognitive distortions. One of the items is “Labeling and mislabeling”, which is described as “Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself.” My question is – why does the Affair Recovery program use the negative label “Unfaithful”, which can be either past tense (referring to the error) or present tense (referring to the person), to refer to program participants? I agree with your definition. I was unfaithful, but I am not defined by that error. Use of the term "Unfaithful" as a label to refer to program participants is extensive and it seems to conflict with what you’re teaching. Once the spouse has repented and recovery has begun, should we not use a positive label, such as that shown on the cover of the workbook; e.g., “Rebuilder”?



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Quite honestly, as a betrayed

Quite honestly, as a betrayed spouse, it feels a bit like minimizing the behavior and consequences of infidelity to not refer to the unfaithful as just that. To cater to their hurt feelings over being referred to as what they were/are, calling it what it is and owning it, even if it was a thing in the past, feels like an insult to what the betrayed has had to endure.

What type of affair was it?

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