Q&A Why Would My Husband Lie about His Desire for Me?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


I am the betrayed spouse, we are 4 months from D-D, and we are finishing EMS Online. My husband has been working incredibly hard at his recovery, he is in counseling, set to start Hope for Healing, as well as attending church for the first time in years, and having a private weekly bible study. I have never seen my husband as loving, encouraging, and dedicated as he is now. We have been married 8 years, and those 8 years have been filled with his drug and pornography addictions, and a recent affair where he slept with a person other than me for the first time in his life. A few days after discovery he told me that he hadn't been physically attracted to me in years, so he had to fantasize about different women to be aroused enough to have sex with me. Since then, he has told me that was a lie. Why would anyone lie about something so unbelievably hurtful? He has pretended I was his affair partner, women from porn, or other women he has seen while having sex with me. I'm having a hard time understanding how it could be possible for him to have been able to compartmentalize his affair when he was fantasizing and pretending that I was her while we were intimate. Can you help me understand? I want so badly to feel desired, loved, and chosen by him but no matter what he does or says I just can't believe that he wants me now.



RL_Media Type: 

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas