Q&A Will the Lies Ever Stop?

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My husband had an 18 year emotional affair with a coworker. In 2006, he told me it was over. It wasn't. I found a picture of her on his phone in 2010. Again, he said it was over. It wasn't. In 2011, the waiter at our favorite restaurant outed my husband, by saying, "This is your wife?" My stomach sank. I didn't know what to do. I felt I had no control over the situation. I bottled up the pain and ignored the reality ... until years later, when I started having debilitating migraines. I turned to God for help. God pointed me in the direction of my marriage. I pressed my husband for details, and after much spinning, he admitted that he had pursued his AP from 2005 to 2012. After 2012 she struck up a relationship with another man at work, who was also married. Furious and heartbroken, my husband stopped inviting her to dinner, stopped giving her gifts. However, he never ended the relationship. They continued to chat frequently about her failing love life via the online work messaging system. My husband has lied to me repeatedly, and, only when pressed, come clean. Just last night I found nude photos of her on his computer, which he says he downloaded without her consent. Will the lies ever stop? Is it really plausible he never had sex with her? I want to save my marriage, but am I fooling myself in thinking that "that was the last lie"?



RL_Media Type: 

The body keeps the score

I’m wanting to know about this because my UH doesn’t seem to know what the whole truth is. I think I am supposed to be guessing what the whole truth is? It’s more difficult for me to find trust when I find that he hasn’t told me the whole truth. I know he doesn’t want to disappoint me more, it would be so much more helpful for me to have him speak up and tell me what is going on instead of me having to guess what it is. He wouldn’t do this to a client. Now, I’m thinking maybe he has been less than honest with clients? It’s depressing for me to see this.

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