For the couple who is trying to heal from infidelity, the marriage bed can seem like an untouchable desert full of confusion, despair, and uncertainty. The unfaithful spouse can find him or herself guilt-ridden, almost paralyzed by shame and self-hatred, wondering if they should even try to initiate sexual intimacy with their significant other. For several decades, I've walked alongside unfaithful spouses who try to do this right, and I've observed that it often feels chaotic and like they're taking one step forward two steps back.

It doesn't have to be this way. There is a way through, and there are proven steps the unfaithful spouse can take to not only help heal the marriage bed, but also—believe it or not—help make the entire process safer for both spouses. But where do you turn and who do you trust?

If you're an unfaithful spouse, I hope and pray you'll take their suggestions to heart today and not only implement their resources, but make them a priority in your own recovery. I'm sure you've realized by now, both unfaithful and betrayed alike, no one can do this for you. Our own repair work is essential, but when your significant other is willing and able to do their own work and reengage with you on an expert level, it gets easier. It gets better. And it no longer seems impossible.