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Hurt and Anger
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What if it’s unfaithful…
What if it’s unfaithful spouse that’s angry? He says he wants to fix when he’s broken yet. He gets mad when I’m sad. He gets mad when I have questions he gets mad when I express any hurt. He gets mad and dismissed 2 triggers told me that was stupid and not to think about crap like that’s. He told me I invited her into our home when he was mad at me because I said I sad when he asked what was wrong. Yet he came to me and asked what was wrong, but then didn’t like my answer. I didn’t invite her to our home, he did. She was his coworker. He’s way more angry at me for questioning him for being upset with him for being sad..
I don’t know what to do with his anger, I am so tired of not being heard or given any compassion or empathy.
I hear you. Having your pain…
In reply to What if it’s unfaithful… by lostandlonley
I hear you. Having your pain dismissed only increases the sorrow. Being blamed, in any capacity, after being betrayed only rubs salt into the wound. Experiencing the anger of the very person who betrayed you feels like too much. Your situation isn't fair. I'm so sorry you're walking through this.
My husband displayed zero empathy after his betrayals. He also tried to blame me, at least in part. I felt like I was continually being punched in the gut, never able to catch my breath because the blows kept coming. The chapter in Harboring Hope that talks about codependency was hugely beneficial for me. It spurred me toward further research on the subject and I learned to differentiate myself from my husband's emotional roller coaster. It taught me that I could pursue my own recovery, regardless of what he chose, and that I didn't have to ride all his ups and downs.
His anger wasn't my fault and it also wasn't my responsibility. Just because he couldn't display empathy didn't mean I didn't deserve some, so I found a healthy support network that could offer me the support I needed that my husband was incapable of at the time. Having others in your corner can make all the difference. Just be cautious that the people you entrust with your story and your pain are trustworthy, capable of providing the support you need, and land on the side of healing and wholeness rather than on any one person's side.
We teach people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. Setting appropriate boundaries and self care go a long way.
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