Welcome

As past participants, we want our walks through infidelity to bring hope, inspiration, and courage to your own journey.
, 6 years 5 months ago

When I was a little girl I began what was to become a life-long love for allegories. I loved reading stories that let me discover the story behind the story. One of my favorites was entitled Tales of the Kingdom. In a nutshell, it is about an enchanter that ruled over a city where he made everyone sleep in the day and work at night because he was jealous of the light that the sun gave off. The...

, 6 years 5 months ago

Jim’s son Bobby just spilled chocolate milk on the carpet. Jim just cleaned the carpets last week. Jim is very upset. He loses his cool and yells and screams at Bobby. Bobby cowers in fear from his dad. Later Jim justifies his actions by saying “I have a temper” “I’m just like that”.

Suzie is scheduled to meet...

, 6 years 5 months ago

I was initially surprised when my wife, Jill, said this to me. She had just shared some of the deep pain she was experiencing as a result of my infidelity. It had been a number of months since “D-Day” and we had been working through rebuilding the marriage that I had torn down through my infidelity.

I understood that the affair was 100% my fault. I was not confused about that. But I...

, 6 years 5 months ago

I think one of the cruelest feelings an already wounded and betrayed heart can experience is shame. Shame has an incredible ability to cripple even the strongest of us. Looking back, I can see how I was very kindly shielded from a large portion of it early on. Starting about two days after I discovered my husband Wayne’s infidelities, several discerning and godly men told me that his actions...

, 6 years 6 months ago

During my healing process that followed the discovery of my husband’s betrayal, there were several things that he did to help make me feel safer in my relationship with him. I shared these things in part one. Today, I want to share the changes that took place in my own heart that allowed me to reopen it to him.

The main thing that stands out in my mind when I look back on that time is...

, 6 years 6 months ago

It’s on the television, in the movies, in the news, on the internet, in the papers; infidelity is everywhere. Infidelity has always been around, but we live in a time when we have access to more information than ever before. And it seems that many find infidelity entertaining or newsworthy. Of course - I don’t and I am sure that anyone reading this doesn’t either.

Infidelity is...

, 6 years 6 months ago

I have recently discovered the fun of Pinterest. I am still a little unsure of how to pin any random thing off of the web onto my board, so for now I have to be content browsing other people’s boards and repining interesting items that they have already gathered.

This afternoon as I was scanning through a friend’s board I found this quote to which she had added the comment “so true”:...

, 6 years 6 months ago

I cannot think of much that will break down communication quicker than losing trust. When I first learned of Wayne’s secret life our conversations got a little ‘strained,’ to put it lightly. One minute I didn’t want to talk to him at all. The next I had a half a dozen questions that I wanted answers to. During the first month or so of our separation he would send me a text at night that would...

, 6 years 6 months ago

I am a liar. I have lied all my life. .

For much of my life, my lies had to do with my inner world. That is, what I was thinking or feeling. I tried to paint a picture of a strong, mature, fearless, good – even godly man. I didn’t have insecurities or disappointments or fears. No, I forged ahead in the face of adversity, never doubting my resolve or my God. It wasn’t true, but it’s...

, 6 years 6 months ago

“Don’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because it is not safe. You might get hurt.”

I’m sure many of us can recall this conversation from our childhood. As a mom of two very wild boys I have heard those very words come out of my own mouth many times.

After much persuasion from my oldest son I recently watched daredevil Nik Wallenda walk across Niagara Falls on a 200 foot long...

, 6 years 6 months ago

Have you ever met someone who knows the best way to do everything? You know, the person who has seen it all and done it all, and has now become the self-proclaimed expert. Yeah, I thought so. We all know someone who meets this description.

Unfortunately, it’s when we need them the very least they seem to jump out of nowhere and attack. It certainly felt that way to me. Wayne and I were...

, 6 years 6 months ago

Facebook is an American as apple pie and baseball. Everyone has a Facebook account don’t they? Actually I don’t and neither does my wife. We used to have them. It was one of the ways our marriage almost ended.

In 2011 the group Divorce Online researched 5000 divorce filings and found that 1/3 of them mentioned Facebook as a reason. In the Harboring Hope courses I have been involved...

, 6 years 6 months ago

Generally I feel called to write about the emotions that I felt during the first year of my healing process. Today, if you will allow me, I want to share where I am right now. If your wound is still fresh, the insights that I have recently received may not apply to you yet, but I think they are still worth reading. I certainly would have benefited from these words had someone spoken them to me...

, 6 years 6 months ago

“How many times will I have to answer the same questions about my affair?” This was the thought I had as my wife asked me once again, “Why did you have the affair?”

It had been many months since she had learned of my yearlong affair. Immediately we got into counseling, and within weeks we attended an Emergency Marital Seminar Weekend with Affair Recovery (AR). From the early days of...

, 6 years 6 months ago

Was he a better lover? Was he better endowed? Am I weak or too feminine? Why did she do ......with him that she never did with me? Maybe if I was a better lover she wouldn’t have cheated. How could she not have used a condom?

These painful, humiliating and embarrassing questions and thoughts running through the minds of husbands whose wives are involved with sexual affairs with another...

, 6 years 6 months ago

When it all came out, to say my life was rocked was an understatement. Due to the public nature of my position and affair(s), many lives were altered forever. I knew little about life at that point, but I knew I wanted my kids, I wanted my family, and I wanted life to be what it once was.

It would never be again. (At least not the way it was before and truth be told, I’m glad it’s...

, 6 years 6 months ago

In my last entry I shared some of the blessings that I have discovered can only be found in grieving. Today I want to share some practical ways that I learned to grieve. The world around us doesn’t help us with this at all. We grow up hearing “Big girls (or boys) don’t cry.” So what do we do when life hands us pain? How does one properly mourn a deep heart wound?

Finding a few trusted...

, 6 years 6 months ago

Recently my family and I went on a two week vacation, picking up a travel trailer along the way and journeying across 4 or 5 different states. The trailer is a bit of a beast, I think at least 24 feet long. My SUV pulls it, but not very well and the gas mileage is something to marvel at (in an expensive, almost regretful way). My oldest wanted to see Vegas and Jodi wanted to see The Grand...

, 6 years 6 months ago

If a person had told me that there are blessings found in grieving before I went through it a few years ago, I would have thought they were crazy.

Today’s culture tells us that blessings are found in things that are easy or fun, or in things that generally feel ‘good.’ Situations or people that cause us pain are generally seen as curses to be avoided at all cost. We are also told that...

, 6 years 6 months ago

This was one of the great truths I have learned through the recovery process from my affair. My choice to have an affair ripped my wife’s heart in two and almost destroyed our 25 year marriage.

I used to fixate on the fact that I had ruined what I believed had been a good record. I no longer could boast as a superior husband, father, or even human being. I had cheated on my wife and I...

, 6 years 7 months ago

Francis Schaeffer wrote, “We do not want to deny ourselves. Actually we do everything we can…to put ourselves at the center of the universe. This is where we naturally want to live.”

If there was one struggle, one colossal mistake, among the myriad of smaller ones that helped lead to my affair, it was that of outright self-absorption. Somewhere along the line, life became about...

, 6 years 7 months ago

I was recently sharing with a woman some of the pain that I had gone through after discovering my husband’s betrayal. She asked me if we were together now. When I told her we were, her next question was, “How did you know you were safe to let him back in?”

I knew exactly what she meant. She wasn’t asking me when I let him back into our home after our separation. She was asking me when...

, 6 years 7 months ago

I never thought in my wildest imagination that I would be “that guy.”

I was the last person most would have suspected of infidelity – including myself. I was not a “player.” I was not a monster. I was a good guy raised in a good environment with good values. My parents seemed to love one another and love my sisters and me. I wasn’t aware of any history of infidelity in my family. I had...

, 6 years 7 months ago

When I was around 9 years old I had to have my Appendix removed. It had not burst but it was very close. I remember well the extreme pain before the surgery. Debilitating, double-you-over pain. After the surgery I remember I was still in quite a bit of pain. I did not want to cough because the coughing stretched the surgery site. Over the next days, weeks and years the wound healed. I no...

, 6 years 7 months ago

No one likes an ambush, least of all me. At the beginning of the day I like to know what is going to happen so I can plan accordingly. Three years ago I walked into the mother of all ambushes. Not only did I discover my husband’s betrayals, but I was also immediately assaulted with lies. They were almost a constant daily and nightly attack. It was like I was constantly bombarded with thoughts...

, 6 years 7 months ago

When it all came out, to say my life was rocked was an understatement. Due to the public nature of my position and affair(s), many lives were altered forever. I knew little about life at that point, but I knew I wanted my kids, my family, and I wanted life to be what it once was.

It would never be again. (At least not the way it was before and truth be told, I’m glad it’s not what it...

, 6 years 7 months ago

I’ll bet you never thought you would see these two statements together did you? Before you close this blog and delete your membership let me explain.

Most betrayed spouses are well acquainted with the normal reactions after discovery day (D-Day). Shock. Anger. Pain. Disbelief. Throwing up, etc. Most of the reactions are considered normal to anyone facing a loss like this.

One of...

, 6 years 7 months ago

Lately I have had many pose the question, “Do you think my spouse, who’s been unfaithful, can fall back in love with me again?”

It’s interesting that the betrayed spouse is asking this question, as they know their betrayer is distant and has allowed their heart to either temporarily or ultimately beat for another. With most affairs eventually and completely blowing up, many wonder if...

, 6 years 7 months ago

During the last several years I have heard quite a bit about the ‘battlefield of the mind.’ Generally the speaker or writer is talking about the battle to keep our minds pure and clean. Being married to a man who lives in the trenches of this battle, I can appreciate the importance as well as the difficulties involved. The world we live in is fighting against us from every side. Whether we are...

, 6 years 7 months ago

I believe I was in middle school when I first began noticing “SAFE PLACE” signs around town. I remember asking Mom what they were about. She explained that they were posted on buildings where a person could go if they were in trouble and in need of a safe place to find help. About fifteen years later, after I discovered my husband Wayne’s betrayals, I found myself in need of a safe place. Not...

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