I hate the word. I hate the feeling. I am guessing for most of you reading this, you have more than a vague idea of what this word does to a human being and how it can be one of the most destructive forces on the planet.
Sure, I can sit here and look back on my life and the things that happened before I had a choice in the matter. Reflect on the things that helped shape my heart into a giant bucket of shame....
Samuel discusses when and how to use an ultimatum in recovery work.
Samuel shares hope and tangible encouragement for those struggling to find hope.
A good friend of mine, and fellow betrayed husband (yes, we met at an EMS weekend), coined it best when he said, "This isn't highs and lows; it's chutes and ladders." All of us on this journey have experienced the hope generated by progress. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, the bottom falls out and in the moment all hope seems lost.
I am now 16 months out from my first D-Day, 9 months from my last, and if there is one word that can describe the spot I seem to circle...
Samuel shares a significant pointer for the unfaithful spouse trying to win back trust.
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For Hope Rising 2018, which is now available On Demand, one of our Survivors, Laurie, wrote a beautiful and profound Apology Letter delivered to the betrayed men at the conference. Samuel in turn delivered a version of her letter to the betrayed women. Since the conference, we have been flooded with emails requesting a written or recorded version. We are happy to be able to share these powerful words with you today:
Samuel shares insight into three recoveries that have to be addressed when healing from infidelity.
Today in counseling I was stunned by a concept I’ve heard most my life. Similar to the old quilt that covers our bed, I became so familiar with it I no longer saw the depth of beauty in it.
My counselor asked me how I felt I was doing at “feeling my husband’s pain”. He has a way of asking a simple question and patiently waits for me to take as long as I need to respond. Having been a counselor for over 40 years, he sees right through me and my crap most days.
How am I doing with handling my husband’s pain? You mean the pain I created with MY infidelity?
In the silence of that moment I found myself...
Samuel shares insight into the tactic of 'rewriting history' and how to recover from it.
Samuel discusses the common question in recovery; are we too far gone to be healed?
Samuel discusses a trap many unfaithful spouses fall into in recovery.
Samuel shares a controversial but powerful approach to finding true healing.
Samuel shares insight into how to forgive the affair partner after the discovery of infidelity.
Samuel discusses how we can be traumatized by well meaning therapists and authority figures.
"Learn how to be okay when things are not okay."
When I first heard this statement I thought it was dumb and much too simple. It was almost insulting – like trying to treat an intensive care wound with a band aid.
However, ten long months into recovery, this statement has been a foundational thought in getting through many hard days.
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Samuel shares insight into a common mistake couples make in recovering from infidelity or addiction.
Samuel shares the proper motivation for recovery work after infidelity for both spouses.
Samuel discusses a necessary paradigm shift if couples are going to heal from infidelity.
Samuel shares his own experience in adjusting to life after disclosure and embracing new patterns in life.
Samuel speaks to the betrayed spouse on what anger is costing them in their recovery.
Samuel discusses how defensiveness diminishes safety from the recovery process.
My internship during my senior year in college was with a thoracic surgeon working with terminally ill patients. At 22, walking patients and family through the stages of grief was more than I had bargained for. The year was 1975 and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' book titled "On Death and...
Samuel shares a key approach to helping the unfaithful spouse get healthy after infidelity.
Samuel discusses a major paradigm shift in recovering from infidelity or addiction.
Samuel discusses one of the number one reasons couples don't make it in recovery or marriage.
Samuel answers a viewers question on why the unfaithful will often times withdraw in recovery work.
Last week we talked about why locking the door is absolutely necessary in recovery. This week I'm going to tell you how to lock the door. If you fail to plan, you've intrinsically planned to fail. Recovery is not for the faint of heart. To succeed over the long haul, you'll need to create a plan for yourself and your marriage to...
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