How do I forgive myself? My discovery day was over 4 months ago. I repented of my sins and sought forgiveness from God and my wife. When I was acting out on a regular basis I confessed in silent prayer daily of my untruthfulness and unfaithfulness and thanked God for his faithfulness to forgive my sins and cleanse me from all my unrighteousness. Looking back sincerity may have been lacking but the ritual was consistent. I find myself still confessing my unfaithfulness however I have been sexually sober and faithful since discovery. Why do I still feel the need to confess when I’ve been faithful daily for this time period? Maybe I haven’t forgiven myself? How do I do that?

I have given up to the fact that I will never get full disclosure from my husband about his two emotional affairs with the same coworker. The first affair was 18 years ago and he just recently, (when I discovered this affair) admitted to me that it WAS an emotional affair back then and he was just having the "40 year itch". But no other information was given. The second and most recent affair was discovered almost a year ago and I have spent the past 11 months trying to get answers from him. All he will tell me is that he "talked and texted too much" and that she "listens to him about the country" (he has a farm in which I really have no interest, but I do listen to him from time to time). He will answer no other questions about this EA and constantly evades the questions by getting angry, abusive, or turning it back on me. My question is: how do I just let go of the need to know? It is eating me alive that he wont give me any real answers, and I am to the point that I just don't want to talk to him at all. How can I let go of these questions that are haunting me to the point of anger, tears, and thoughts of divorce because I feel that if he wanted this marriage to work, he should be willing to answer any questions I need answered. And after this amount of time, how will I know for sure that he is even telling the truth?
My second question is about abuse: he got extremely verbally abusive, and sometimes physically (he spit in my face, shoved me down, pulled his fist back just to name a few things) when I continued to ask questions about the EA. Is this a normal reaction? Does this mean he is still with his AP or is detoxing from her? I have moved out of the house because of the abuse, but I don't know if I will ever feel safe enough to go home again. I don't know how to believe him if he says he wont abuse or go back to her. So how does one deal with these situations? I am at a crossroads now -- not wanting a divorce, but afraid I may have to get one to keep my own self respect and feel safe. What are your thoughts on this? Thank you for your help.

In the above question, I forgot to mention that we attended the November 8 - 10 EMS weekend. I know you might have covered some of what I am asking, but sometimes I think I have adult ADD and things don't stick in my brain like they used to :)

My significant other (not married yet) is the hurt one. It's been 6 months since our D-Day and since then we have agreed to try to move forward with our relationship. I am making myself as safe as I can.. always checking up with him, empathizing with his pain, surrounding myself with only good people we trust, making myself transparent, and showing him what a true loving human being I am who made horrible mistakes over the course of a month.

He has gotten so much better at controlling his emotional flooding, anger, sadness but still deals with triggers day in and out. What was an almost daily angry response to the situation has tapered but it still manages to rear its head (which I know and expect.. I try not to pressure him into any sort of forgiveness or healing).

Unfortunately all of this is at a time when I'm in the process of moving in with him. While we agreed our decision was to move forward together, he still can't help but get angry at being wronged.. that I put him there and made him like this. He gets to the point of emotional abuse and sometimes tells me that he can be with someone "so much better". I try my best to heed all of your advice in your library and to show as much understanding as I can. He refuses to see a counselor or do EMS online. He doesn't want to have to rehash everything. I occasionally send him articles but he gets annoyed.

There are good days and there are bad days. He knows what decisions he has to make and what he has to do in terms of acceptance but it just angers him that he has to face all of this to begin with.

I'm afraid that without help or proper emotional healing that the rest of our lives together will always be like this cycle, especially since it's already been 6 months.