Q&A Are My Doubts and Feelings Normal?

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Question: 

Today is actually the anniversary of the first D-day (there were about 4) and I’ve submitted questions on the primary Q&A a couple times and I’ve followed Rick’s advice so far, but I still have this gnawing feeling that something isn’t right. My husband has done EMSO, is in therapy, is going to church with me, is starting Hope for Healing on Monday; which are all great things and I do appreciate, but there’s still something in me that doesn’t trust him at all.. Although he is doing those things there is still some very questionable behavior that really bothers me. Almost 2 months ago, right before we finished EMSO we got into a HUGE fight and almost separated again but instead took a few days away from each other.. Although the is doing all the good things for recovery, the other things contradict the good he is doing. The only time he’s been upfront and honest on his own about the AP were the first 2 d-days, the last couple (most recent being in February) I had to play investigator and confront him before he was honest... I haven’t found anything so far, but him being so quick to research her after a bug fight and him smoking really makes me edgy. He smoked and drank pretty much during the entire affair.. I don’t know what to do? I am trying to focus on what he IS doing and I do see positive change, but then like I said this other stuff really contradicts those things and I struggle with still having these overwhelming fears and thoughts that something is still going on and I don’t know if it’s just because I’m still healing or if I should trust those feelings more than him. Is this normal?

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