Q&A Could My Husband Be Done with Recovery?

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We are just about a year from D-Day. We have completed EMS Online and I am in Harboring Hope right now. My husband's affair was a result of some trauma from finding his biological mom about 4 years ago. His mom is a difficult person and has some issues. One big one being she wanted him all to herself. As she tried her best to get rid of me it caused issues when he would choose to stay with me and ultimately she cornered herself and they didn't communicate for 5 months. At that time they started emailing back and forth again. During this time he apparently started to resent me for their relationship. Basically, unbeknownst to me, he had come up with this narrative that I didn't love him if I wasn't willing to do anything, even though I did, for him to have this relationship with his mom. And that is his “why” for being open to the affair when the affair partner came on to him. He justified me being loving, as me doing what God would want me to do but not actually loving him. He has childhood trauma of not feeling loved as well and had held on to this dream of his mom. In dealing with the aftermath of the affair we set boundaries with the mom that she is unwilling to abide by so she has removed herself from our lives. He now realizes she was a toxic individual and that I should not have done anything to keep her in his life. Could he be done with his recovery in realizing what led him to that path? His counselor has been a disappointment. But we are going to a marriage counselor and I am going to an individual counselor on my own to help me process. I have lots of theories but I would like to know what you think.



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