Q&A How Can I Communicate Concerns without Creating Conflict?

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Question: 

My wife had a one night stand a while back. Once I was able to uncover enough information to prove it, she admitted it. We have done EMSO and I am in HH. In the beginning, she took full responsibility, but since the end of EMSO she has shifted into neutral and will not pursue any further healing processes. I try to get her to listen to some of yours and Samuel's blogs to help her understand where I am but when I do, she gets defensive. When I bring that to her attention, she tells me I'm making all up and that I am not correct in my perceptions. Basically, she's trying to gaslight me. This makes me feel very unsafe. How can I communicate my concerns to her without creating conflict?

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I ask this question often. I

I ask this question often. I am in the discovery phase and I want to talk openly to my mate, but each time he gets defensive and start saying "we cant keep living in the past if we are going to have a future" I feel this is his way of avoiding disclosure keeping us stuck in the same cycle.