Q&A How Do I Feel Safe about My Husband Having Female Friends at Work?

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My husband does not see anything wrong with his friendships with his female coworkers because he said he treats them the same as he does his male coworkers. After he disclosed his sexual affair of 18 months last March 2019, I checked his emails in April 2019 with his permission. I found lunch dates and exclusive walks with female coworkers that I knew nothing about. One woman was thanking him for a sweet note and chocolates. They went for walks to talk about family, kids, work, her legal matters, and encouraged her to stop biting her nails. He said, this one was only wrong because he didn't tell me about her. But they were only friends. Another friendship in particular made me feel very uncomfortable because he spoke so highly of her saying, "I enjoy talking technical with her because she gets me and I love her sense of humor." They also would swap books and movies and go to lunches alone. One time, he gave her a ride in his motorcycle just for fun. He said that there is nothing wrong with that because he told me about it and tried to include me in the friendship by inviting her and her husband to our home to get to know me too. This connection he had with her made me very jealous. He blames me for having to give up the friendship, which he was hoping would develop into the best friend’s level. There were other women he would email and ask to go to lunch with, share movies, books, and songs with. Now, at his new job, there is another woman he is starting a friendship with because they would arrive at work at the same time in the morning and they would be the only ones there for a while. He is upset with me because he feels like he is not allowed at all to have women friends. Before disclosure, I was totally fine with their friendship, but since finding those emails, I have a major problem with it. Am I wrong to feel unsafe? Am I the one not getting it?



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