Q&A Is it Too Risky to Work With a Former Limerant Affair Partner?

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Question: 

Every description you’ve provided of limerence perfectly explains the words I’ve been terrorized to hear from my husband regarding his affair partner. He once gave her a gift of an empty box including a poetic quote about how they are connected through the air that they share. He’s been so caught up in limerence that even when he has read the Affair Recovery material on limerence he has told me “but that doesn’t apply to me, because what I have with my affair partner is much deeper, it’s true love.” My problem lies in the fact that he works with his affair partner. Through the grace of God he was transferred to a new location and is supposed to relocate next month. My husband, however, is resisting the transfer because it is not in the best interest of his career. Though I don’t disagree that the transfer is not the best career move, I believe it best for our marriage and want him to stop trying to negotiate to stay in his current position, even part time. I’ve been unable to help my husband understand why the thought of him having even infrequent, seemingly incidental contact with his limerant affair partner is threatening to me. He feels I am discounting the recovery work he is doing. He wants to be allowed to occasionally work at his old job site, and prove to me he can do so and still be “safe” for me… but I’m not sure I’m prepared to gamble with our marriage. The risk feels too great.

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