Q&A How Do I Figure Out What to Do?

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I discovered my husband's betrayal 3 months ago and D-Day came the next week. He says there hasn't been any sexual affair in years but there was texting, masturbation, and pornography. He started out saying that he wants to do whatever it takes to save the marriage but quickly became irritable and defensive as he witnesses and is sometimes included in my healing process-even gaslighting at times. He has said to me a few times that he is not sure if he wants to be married anymore but doesn't want to make a rash decision. I asked him how he supposes we navigate this co-existence while he figures it out, and he says, "We aren't going to be walking around here acting like strangers and hating each other." Should I move out of the bedroom, stop cooking, etc. and start a separate life? Covid has me unemployed, and my husband provides a nice monthly stipend so that I can do things I want/need to do. I am not in the position to leave our home. He betrayed me, but has shown me that I want the marriage more than him. He still calls home and chats and acts like things are cool. It is as if he wants us to be friends while he possibly prepares to divorce me. What do I do with all this? I don't want to be drawn into him and let my guard down-even in cordiality-only to get my hopes up.



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