Q&A How Do I Handle Forgiveness When the AP Is a Family Member?

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Question: 

Hello, my husband's affair partner was a family member of ours. Aside from the shock and pain of his infidelity, she and I were very close as well and it began when she was in our home. Since discovery our entire extended family is splintered. In addition to their betrayal, there were family members that knew of the affair but chose to keep quiet, as it was ending when they found out. These people spent holidays and vacations with us, all the while everyone knew but me. Needless to say the betrayal I feel has so many layers to heal. My husband is doing everything possible for his own recovery and mine; we are 10 months out from D-Day. I know I need to forgive his AP, and I need to forgive the family members who I feel betrayed by also. The pain switches constantly between the betrayal by my spouse and the betrayal from her and our family members. Do you have any suggestions on how I should be handling the forgiveness aspect in this situation? I know I am not alone, that there are situations where the AP was a best friend or someone close to the betrayed spouse. I know I have to forgive, but I do not see us ever getting together for holidays or birthdays again. It is a reminder for me though, every wedding we miss, every birthday party...I wish I could just not consider her ever again, just focus on my marriage, however, if I can't forgive and figure out how, it will destroy me over time...help!!

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