Q&A How Do I Manage Our Sexual Intimacy?

You’ve discussed handling triggers during intimacy. My problem is that I’ve discovered that for 36 years I’ve been married to an addict and I went so far as to explore what porn looks like these days. Some of the stuff I saw would make you lose your lunch. I questioned my husband about what he viewed, what he thought was stimulating, and was revolted at the content. Now I’m repelled just seeing my husband shower, and I am distressed every morning when I shower because I imagine how other women are violated in the name of male entertainment. My husband says he quit viewing porn (6 years ago) after D-Day, and seems remorseful, but as Rick said in one of his counseling videos, sex was just assisted masturbation, and in my marriage, I fear it still is. I cannot seem to let go of the humiliating visions I saw, and even with my husband’s remorse, intimate sex doesn’t seem to be possible. Exposed at a very young age (he was molested), he has no concept of true intimacy, and with all the coaching I try to do, I’m not making any headway. I have quit trying, and while our marriage isn’t a battle zone, it isn’t a marriage either.