Q&A How Do I Stop Seeking the ‘20% Guy’?

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The way my husband sought affirmation from his emotional affairs was to compliment, affirm, woo, romance, and otherwise share his positive viewpoints about his affair partners. He has serious low self-esteem issues, so discovered early in life when pursuing women that they would respond positively, stroke his ego, tell him how good he makes them feel if he complimented them. I am jealous that he did that with them and hasn't with me in years because he has trust issues with me because I have hurt him through life. His affair partners have not because their lives have been fantasies. It hurts not to hear how he values me like he has told others he values them. I know he is more vulnerable with me, let's me see the real him. But I would give anything to have that limerence every once in a while again, to feel cherished, not just feel like an obligation.



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