Q&A Is It Possible That I’ll Have a Change of Heart Some Time Down the Road?

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I’m now 9 months post the last D-Day and my feelings towards my marriage have not changed despite the work I’m doing to heal. I’m working on forgiveness and believe that I’m making steady progress. But the progress I’m making on my forgiveness journey hasn’t resulted in me being more positive about the marriage. I have no desire to work on my marriage. My husband is not ambivalent. He’s committed to my healing and wants our marriage to finally have the intimacy I’d been desperate for. I have no desire to divorce because I’m committed to the continuity of our family for our small children AND because if I did get divorced I wouldn’t want to date or get married again anyway. We co-parent well, I can enjoy his company and I’d be willing to work on our friendship but I have no desire to work on improving our marriage or building any lasting intimacy. Knowing how much he was capable of lying and how easily he trashed our marriage…emotionally I don’t see myself coming back from that to be emotionally intimate.. it’s a massive turn off. Again, I don’t want to file for a physical divorce, but I already feel spiritually or emotionally divorced. He broke our covenant and I don’t want a new one. If we didn’t have kids I’d be done with this marriage. Is it possible that I’ll have a change of heart some time down the road? Is it silly for us to stay together?



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I could've written the same

I could've written the same letter.. i am so.sorry for what you're facing. I am 4 years out, and i also forgive, but do not trust. My spouse hasn't been doing much of the work. I feel like you do..divorced emotionally and physically.. just kinda roommates. But, you mentioned your spouse is doing the work..that is huge! Mine has been pretending normal, so i see a counselor on my own and pray, those prayers are beginning to make a difference.. we have 3 kids 11 and under.. so i feel your pain. I hear glimpses of the man i used to.know..look at the battles won.. Remember, restoration is possible with reconciliation. Take one step and breath at a time...try and write down the good, the hopeful, and pray for your marriage...if you are a person of faith, have patience with yourself too. It is early yet.. blessings

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