Q&A Is It Possible to Not Have Feelings for the Affair Partner?

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D-Day was November 10, 2017. My UH had an emotional affair with his ex. They have two teenage boys. They were never married and their entire relationship was about 5 years. We have been together almost ten and married for 6. I am having trouble accepting my UH answers. He tells me he does not know why he had the affair. He says he was not thinking during the affair and if he were thinking of the consequences then he would have never done it. He also says even during the affair he didn’t feel he wanted to be with her or loved. He continues to tell me he loves me and never wanted to leave me. He describes his experience as he was in a whirlpool and once I found out the light switch turned on and he realized what he was doing. He immediately stopped contact and is in disbelief of what he has done. We both are in MC and IC. His actions are proofing to be safe for us and he is working on his shame. But I have read about limerence and wonder if what he tells me is true? How could he just turn it off and say he never and doesn’t have any feelings for her? How can he say he was not thinking during his actions? What does a whirlpool even mean? I sometimes wonder that he tells me this as he does not want to hurt me. Can this be true that they have no feelings for the AP during and after? I worry as they have kids and at some point they will have to communicate, the boys are almost 18 so they each have phones which they communicate with my UH but there will be big events and I am worried. We have 2 small kids 2 and 5 and he hates the thought of not being with us daily and is struggling with what he has done to all of us. Thank you



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