Q&A Is My Spouse's Attitude Preventing Limerence from Fading?

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My wife was in a 2.5 year affair with a family friend. She has committed to staying in our marriage and ceased contact with the affair partner. She voluntarily disclosed to me initially with the intention of divorcing me to be with him. No contact has lasted nearly three months at this point and the affair fog is lifting. She is not ambivalent at all in regard to what she wants. She is still fully in limerence and does not desire emotionally to have it fade away. We are both doing the work and seeking professional help but she is hesitant to seek help from a counselor in regard to her desire to remain in limerence. She stated that her resistance to help is due to not wanting the outcome of having her feelings for him go away. I explained to her that her attitude feels like she is in a one person emotional affair with the memory and fantasy of him and she advised that my thinking is spot on. She will not break “no contact” but doesn't want the feelings to recede. Is her attitude going to prevent limerence from fading over time? Is her attitude just due to the presence of limerence itself? Is time the answer? She loves me, but the affair partner is still the priority for her emotionally and mentally. I don't want the clock to be stopped on her recovery indefinitely due to her not wanting to heal. She describes it as an addiction and I'm worried that she won't recover if she has no desire to. Hoping this attitude is par for the course for women in this position.



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