Q&A Should I Be Alarmed with This Feeling Of Disgust and Will It Ever Go Away?

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I feel disgusted. I don’t know how to deal with the fact that my husband was having affairs with women around our own daughter’s age. When online he specifically looked for that age range. Now I have trouble when my daughter’s friends are around. Do I need to be worried about all these women that I look at like children in my eyes, because I’ve known them since they were kids. I don’t understand, to me it’s disgusting. I have anger and resentment towards my husband. He says he never looked at them this way because he knows them and would never. He didn’t see the other women as kids because he didn’t know them. We recently had an issue of one of our family friends hitting on our own daughter. He’s 50, our daughter is 22. My husband was furious and shamed this guy for crossing the line with our own daughter. I was disgusted but it brought up a feeling of thinking my husband is just as equally disgusting. How can he be so mad at this friend when he was basically doing the same? He says he sees things differently now that he wasn’t thinking clearly before. Should I be alarmed with this feeling of disgust and will it ever go away?



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Seeing this from a different perspective

I'm so sorry this happened to you and your family. That is so traumatic. But I'm glad your husband admitted that he wasn't thinking clearly. When my husband was nearing 60 he started to pursue a 24 year-old girl. I thought there was no way he would go after someone younger than his own daughters. He said he was just trying to mentor her and I believed him. Over the course of 2-1/2 years it became obvious that things were not as innocent as he said, after I witnessed a jealous rant on one of his calls to her. I started to secretly monitor their texts and emails and was stunned. D-Day was in 2018. I moved out for five months, and he begged me to come back, saying that he had gotten carried away and it never got sexual (I could see in their texts that he consistently asked her for sex, but she always had an excuse. She just took his money). His behavior has improved over time, and like your husband, he admitted that he wasn't thinking clearly. One of the things mentioned in the video is that the unfaithful husband might have had something happen to them in their 20's that left them stuck at that age. My husband was not attractive at that age--he was slightly overweight with terrible acne. He fell in love easily and was used terribly by a succession of women, who just took his money and dumped him. He has since gotten his acne under control and started working out, becoming very fit. I really think that he's literally trying to exercise the pain of rejection away. I never thought of it that way, and I appreciate the host's comments. I will pray for you and your husband, that your healing will continue and you will enter a place of peace and trust.

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