Q&A What Are Your Recommendations for My Situation?

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Question: 

I'm about 10.5 months post D-day. My wife is having a limerent affair with a co-worker which has been going since April of 2017; so we're closing in on the one year marker. She had him move in with our children about a mile from the family home. I stayed in the house and we recently finalized the divorce she initiated in June of last year. She appears to be having a "Type II affair" from the book. She is conflict avoidant and has been expressing her concerns about the marriage for many, many months. It's difficult to tell what the real concerns are and what excuses to help her with grief and shame are. She still wants to continue doing independent recovery and work on things. We have 3 small children together who we each adore. I have been doing a lot of work on myself and do realize that I was difficult to live with for many years because I was so driven and put many of my needs above those of the family. My therapist recommends that if we do work on things that I should only see her once a month for lunch or something until she commits to not seeing the AP any more. This is difficult with 3 small children together and we frequently see each other multiple times a week right now. What are your recommendations for people in my situation? I have stopped asking about whether or not she is seeing him because I wouldn't believe what she told me anyway and I have no way of verifying things. How do I continue working on things in this situation and what makes sense?

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