Q&A Are We Generating a Pattern of 'Pretend Normal'?

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We are three months from discovery of multiple affairs each lasting years, in addition to emails with ex-girlfriends and a one night stand throughout our 13 year marriage. We are working together on this, but I'm concerned that as time goes by, and "normal" levels of emotion and attention to what has happened begin to return I'm starting to feel anxious that things are more normal. Maybe that doesn't make sense, but I worry that because the "why" hasn't been answered, and things are feeling better between us, that old patterns will emerge and take him right back in. In fact, the few times I have had access to his emails I found inappropriate emails to other women. I feel like it's possible that this is all a pretend normal disguised as a fresh slate while the addiction to the excitement of something on the side is always going to be there and never gets addressed directly because I'm processing my pain and we will just say "good enough" and move on. As I feel this fear consuming me, I have also retreated from sharing the fears and real feelings I have, and yet again resigning myself to the idea that if I stay I have to be okay with never knowing if there's another woman or women in the mix. I know I could be fortune telling the idea that he is tired of this process, but he has stopped seeing his counselor and hasn't shared with me any real feelings or thoughts he is having about the AP's or his emotions. I'm left wondering if we are generating a pretend normal with a new vocabulary that is heading right back to where we were before.



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