Q&A Am I Wrong Not to Look Back on Previous Years of Marriage with Fond Memories?

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Once treasured, NO longer, none of them. Devastating to husband. Leaving him with little hope. Prior to discovery, I truly believed we had something special. Playfully fun, pure, romantic. Now realizing it was all an allusion, a sham. The man I deeply loved, respected and implicitly trusted was secretly betraying me. Instead of marrying a faithful Christian man, I married a sex addict, addicted to porn and who knows what else? Looking back, realizing how sweet, flirtatious he was right before, other times, right after porn makes me feel SO violated, mocked, used. After watching what he is lustfully attracted to, shockingly traumatic. Wondering who I actually married? In reality, “husbands” requests, comments when intimate, ALL mirroring porn. So, when intimate, who was he really having sex with? His most searched porn AND ‘followed’ women type on social media, is nothing like me. Each discovery, eventually forgiven. Yet, chiseled away more of me. No longer resembling the fun, happy, trusting person I use to be. Now, numb, co-existing. No sex since last discovery, 6 months ago. Will I/we ever get past this? Have taken HH, presently in Married for Life. Yet again, sincerely forgave husband, but can’t seem to let my guard down, awaiting yet another surprise discovery. If “husband” is sincere this time, my lack of emotion, has to be so cruel and painful. Suggestions? Will I ever have fond memories of our past?



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