Q&A Are My Assumptions about the Affair Partner’s Intentions Reasonable?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


My wife and I are currently on Week 9 of EMS Online. We are also both in individual therapy and marriage counseling as well. She's had multiple affairs throughout our relationship. I find my biggest barrier to forgiveness is that during all of the affairs, both my wife and her affair partners (who all knew me) would subliminally rub it in my face. I feel that the affair partners and her all enjoyed the rush of being able to flaunt it in plain sight. My wife seems to be genuine in her recovery work now and it feels like we are making progress but I can't get these thoughts out of my head and I struggle to get past it. I feel that they did this intentionally and with malice. Is this common? Am I being unreasonable for not believing her and clinging to these thoughts? She had a threesome with a male & female. The next day randomly said to me that the other girl wanted one with me but that she (my wife) wasn't interested in us doing that. She wanted one of her affair partners to be at our wedding and fought me when I said I was uncomfortable with it. They had a sexual history prior to our relationship however I was unaware of the affair at the time. Her affair partner contacted me to tell me she was having back pain at work and how I should take care of her.



RL_Media Type: 

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas