Q&A Can the Unfaithful Really Not Have an Answer to the 'Why'?

Submitted by Rick_Reynolds Wed, 02/14/2018 - 13:48

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.

Question: 

I’m having a problem moving forward because of all of the romantic things my husband said to his AP. When I ask him what made him want to have an affair and tell this woman all the loving words, straight out of a harlequin romance and what made him call her loving names, he says “I don’t know”. I never got the romance from him in those 29 years and never called the endearing names he called her. I’m an affectionate person and he never was. At least not until her. He said he doesn’t know why he got involved with another woman or what made him say those things to her, even promising her a future. He said he never loved her & never planned on leaving me. How can I move forward if he doesn’t know why he was able to give her all of this romance that he never gave me? He gives it to me now, but why not before? I feel like I got her left overs. Is it possible he really doesn’t know why?

Sections: 

RL_Category: 

RL_Media Type: 

This remains an incredibly

Submitted by [name hidden] on

This remains an incredibly important question for me almost one year later and one I realize I will never have answered. I just finished reading “Not Just Friends” - which I highly recommend - in it, she describes a technique she uses to help with this. Instead of having the unfaithful say why, ask him/her to say why not. For example, they didn’t do it because they didn’t love you, they didn’t do it because you were too heavy/thin/tall/ etc. So in the end, why isn’t answered, but there is some additional relief to the betrayed. I really appreciated that suggestion.

I keep thinking if he knows why, then.....

Submitted by [name hidden] on

I keep thinking if he knows why he had an affair, it will help to prevent a new affair. If he can see for himself why he got to the place where he could have an affair, then he can figure out how to avoid those things in the future.

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

What to read next

Q&A What Do You Do If Your Spouse Truly Believes They Do Not Have a Problem or Addiction?
Q&A Isn't this Behavior a Red Flag for the Future?
Q&A Did My Wife Need to Justify Her Behavior in Cheating on Me?
Q&A Aren’t Betrayal and Love Incompatible?
Q&A If He Was Having an Affair to Get Some Sort of Thrill or Feeling from That Person Why Did He Constantly Want My Attention Too?

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
Learn More
head-silhouette
 
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas