Q&A Why Did My Mate Act Differently with the Affair Partner?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.

Question: 

A common concern I hear from many other betrayed wives is that their unfaithful husbands can be so romantic with words and deeds with their AP's. I have also experienced the same thing. My husband revealed a playful, flirtatious, romantic side of himself with his AP that I've never experienced in over 30 years of marriage but would have liked to. He wasn't even like that when we were dating. He was also very flattering, encouraging, comforting and supportive toward her. Much more so than he ever was with me. It's heartbreaking to know your spouse exhibited these qualities toward someone else. I have always tried to be the flirtatious one with him but never got much of a response so I finally gave up after many years. We are in recovery now doing EMSO and he's very committed but sad to say there's no sign of this type of behavior towards me. Why is it that the unfaithful can reveal this part of themselves to another woman but not to their own wives? Thanks.

Sections: 

RL_Category: 

RL_Media Type: 

Similar but different

My wife was far more sexually uninhibited with her AP than she's been with me. Engaging in fantasy, spontaneous sex with reckless abandon, etc. with me she is reserved, has stated she has no fantasies, and rarely if ever initiates sex. But with him she couldn't get enough. I feel your pain, and know what it's like to see them give away to someone else m that which you have wanted for so long