Q&A Can You Help Me Understand Our Counselors Process?

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Question: 

Hi Rick,

I have a question regarding feedback from our counselor. I think we have a very competent psychologist who practices Imago therapy to address the infidelity. This therapy has been wonderful in terms of communication between usI. I am, however, noticing that I've started to feel frustrated a bit with our counselor's attitude/approach to our situation. I am the betrayed and find she does a great job of helping my husband find self compassion, however I feel there is less focus on compassion for my situation. She does a lot to tell me I have to look at my issues. And while I agree that infidelity has brought up insecurity in me, I feel I have to protect my right to be wounded. These insecure feelings would not be present had infidelity not happened. I suppose she is wanting me to push past my feelings of indignation and righteous anger, but I end up feeling like I don't receive the same amount of understanding and compassion that my husband does. I guess I’m wondering if I need to start looking at the counseling differently? I guess overall it feels as though her goal for me is to put aside the ways I've been wronged, and her goal for my husband is teach him self compassion. I end up feeling like she doesn't "get" my hurt and anger. As a counselor can you help me understand this?

 

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EMS weekend

I can relate to the question.I hope this might help also.

I had felt that our therapist was pushing us to look at what was not going right between us as a couple, but was glossing over the infidelity and the severe wound to our relationship. I never felt truly, deeply apologized to, or that he really understood my pain and the deep deep level of betrayal and hurt I was forced to walk around with every day. I felt like I was moving through the world with a giant hole in my chest and people were asking me how I was doing, or hoping I had a nice day...and I was screaming inside, can't anyone see how much pain I am in? I wanted the world to stop and acknowledge how utterly devastated I was.
The EMS weekend provided us with many things as a a couple, but for me as a betrayed spouse, I felt validated, understood and ultimately received both the empathy and apology from my husband I desperately needed to begin to heal my deep wound. We are on the road to recovery for many reasons; but one reason is that the weekend retreat was a focus on the infidelity, understanding what happened to us, to me, to him. I felt not so alone being surrounded by other hurting couples, and listening to how others have survived this and made a better stronger marriage as a result.