Q&A Does my Husband Have a Problem he Can't Break?

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Rick, can you please help me with this problem? It really bothers me, especially since we are trying to rebuild our marriage right now, and things are going great. My husband had 3 affairs and the last one resulted in him living with the AP for 3 months and leaving me. We are still separated but we are seeing each other a lot, have gone to places to talk about us and trying to rebuild from scratch. There is one thing he is still being stubborn about. He is ogling at women every time we are together no matter where we are -- the store, the street, the airport, restaurants, you name it. Everywhere, even when he is driving if he sees somebody with a great body his eyes automatically glance at the women. Sometimes it is so obvious, and if he likes her a lot he follows her. I have even noticed how he likes woman to look at him so he makes eye contact to get that response. My husband has been an insecure person and loves reassurance. We just came back from a trip out of the country and had the best time ever, we had the best sex ever, he told me how beautiful and hot I look, but the ogling at women has not gotten any better. I have told him so many times and he denies that it’s a problem. He tells me that I look at men and in reality I am not that kind of woman -- a woman that is with the man I love and is looking or staring at other men. He says that I want him to be the only man on earth that can't look at women. But I say if it could be less noticeable, it probably would make me feel more secure and not feel like he is disrespecting me. I feel he gets pleasure when he makes eye contact with them and the women stare at him back. He thinks he is this irresistible handsome guy and likes the affirmation. Please, Rick, tell me what I should do when I have been telling him how much it hurts when he does that and he still has excuses. Is this going to be a reason why he may not want to continue recovering our marriage because it will feel like I am nagging at him and not letting him be who he feels is normal? Usually, when we go out, anywhere we go, he finds somebody to check out, and the main part is their behinds and pretty woman with nice bodies. His AP that he left for good was a 40 year old and I notice that the women he stares at are always around that 40 age or younger. He is 55 and I am 56. What do you think I should do? Does he have a problem that he cannot break? Thank you so much for your response!



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Does my husband have a problem he can't break?

If I were in your situation, I would tell my spouse that I don't feel safe hanging out with him when he's flirting and staring at other women. It may be best to have some space from him until he can do more recovery work with Pure Desire, Every Man's Battle conference, or something that will help him break this bad habit.

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