Q&A Could He Really Not Have Feelings for the Affair Partner?

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D-Day was November 10, 2017 where I discovered my husband's emotional 1 year affair with his ex. He tells me during the affair he didn’t feel any emotional or romantic feelings for her or that he ever wanted to leave me. He says that he does not know why he did it and feels as he was in a whirlpool. I am having trouble believing him as I have read about limerence. He describes that it feels like a light switch turned on and he then realized what he had done, which he can not believe himself. I feel that he is looking for a diagnosis so it would explain to him what he has done as he feels that an affair is something he would have never thought about doing in a million years. He tells me he was a happily married man who had it all and can’t understand why it happened. Can he really have never had any emotional feelings and just stop the affair and not think of her? He tells me if he would of thought for one second of the consequences he would have never done it. I’m having a difficult time as I’m worried he tells me these things so he won’t hurt me. May he deep down inside have feelings for her? What does he mean whirlpool? He can’t even recall if he got anything from the affair.



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Same situation

I’m dying to know how this worked out. Did learning about limerence help you get past the hurt and work on reconciliation? Did he have any residual feeling for his LP? My husband swears that when i found out and pointed out all of the manipulation and conniving that went into trapping him in this relationship, she became instantly undesirable and that he has zero interest in ever talking to her or seeing her again. He says there is no pull whatsoever and he feels like an idiot. Is that possible??

What type of affair was it?

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