Q&A How Can I Accept His Affection Without It Triggering so Much Pain?

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Question: 

It has been 15 months since discovery. We have completed EMS Online and we are in couple’s therapy. I also did EMDR and individual therapy but I still have such a hard time with my specialness being tainted. It’s not just the physical, the intimate and mundane things they shared feel worse. When he gives me compliments or tells me what he loves about me it makes me question if he did that with her too and hearing all those positive things just hurts me because I know I wasn’t the only one he said them too. He tells me all the time that it was limerence and none of it was real but it doesn’t stop the pain because at the time he thought it was real and acted as if it was. It also feels like a no-win because if it was all smoke and mirrors with her, what’s to stop him from faking it with me too? I need him to be vulnerable and share feelings with me and I want him to share what makes me special but it triggers so much pain when he does because I immediately jump to thoughts about how he did that for her too. How do I move past this? How can I accept his affection without it triggering so much pain?

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