I'm stuck. I took Harboring Hope and really gained a lot from it. I think I can move past the affair... even without having any disclosure at all. But my husband of what would be 20 plus years if I considered us morally married has reverted to the fantasyland of being the same boy I was dating in college. He's sweet and charming and caring... but it all feels very surface "don't rock the boat", and he is more than happy to let his parents support him again (he injured himself in an accident but is long healed). I love dating him, but I'm a middle aged woman with young adult children, and I need a husband (or no one at all), not a boyfriend. I'm stuck, because in order to give him time, I have to either support him (which my job can't do at the moment - he's expensive) or humble myself and let his parents support us all (and everything you can imagine that that entails). His parents know about the affair, but still seem to hold me accountable for his day to day sloth. I'm trying to be patient, and I accept that his relationship with his parents is not my problem. How can I communicate my need for him to be responsible without talking down to him or making it about the affair?