Q&A How Can I Stop Blaming Myself for My Husband’s Acting Out?

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Question: 

Thank you for trying to answer my question before about the trigger that I cannot seem to get past. The trigger involves my husband leaving me in the middle of the night for the affair partner after I attempted to initiate sex. I think you're correct that this particular memory may be more about emotional flooding than a trigger. Nevertheless I wanted to clarify the problem for you. What I'm saying is that I don't understand this part of sexual addiction. I don't understand why my husband would leave me after I tried to initiate sex and then go have sex with the affair partner. I had had a glass of wine prior to initiating sex with him and my husband claimed that me having a drink was perceived by him as rejection and he has continued to blame me for the fact that he needed to then go and medicate with sex. The problem is that my husband has had multiple Anonymous sexual encounters some of which have involved alcohol and it didn't keep him from continuing the sex with those people. My betrayal trauma coach has suggested to me that the night I tried to initiate sex my husband was in his addiction cycle and I simply was not a part of that therefore he left to have sex with the other woman. I'm trying so hard to stop blaming myself for my husband's acting out but he continues to use things that I have done or ways that I act to rationalize why he left me, a willing partner, to go and have sex with someone else. Please help me understand this part of my husband's sex addiction. I'm reading everything I can and trying not to take this personally. But this is a major hang up of mine. This memory is from 2006 but I didn't know that my husband had gone to the affair partner and had intercourse with her until last summer around D-Day.

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