Q&A How Can We Best Help Our Child Who Discovered the Affair?

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Our 13-year-old child discovered my wife's affair and also discovered that my wife had shared very personal information about parenting our child with the affair partner. Our child is not only angry at mom for betraying me, she's furious with mom for violating her own trust. So, all of Affair Recovery's normal wisdom about not involving the kids is unfortunately already out the window. On the one hand, the last thing on earth I want to do is put my kid in a position where I'm asking her to meet my emotional needs (i.e parentification or spousification). On the other hand, it's obvious the kid needs someone to talk to about her feelings and I seem to be the person she trusts most (even more than her therapist). Telling the kid that this issue is between mom and dad simply doesn't work, because she has her own reasons to feel betrayed. Meanwhile, my wife doesn't even want me to say the word "affair" in front of our child and doesn't want me to let our child bring up the topic with me. How on earth can I find the right balance here that will help everyone in our family heal our relationships?



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