Q&A How Do I Get My Memories Pure and Special Again?

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Question: 

I think recovery and healing are on the right track. We’re in couples and individual counseling and in Week 2 of EMS Online. We are connecting like never before and everything is on the table. For nearly 4 ½ years (half our marriage) she has been keeping this secret and letting her guilt of physically cheating erode our relationship, being stuck in a cycle of not thinking she deserved me while engaging her affair partner regularly via text message for years after. Currently my chief issue is the pain I have when looking at pictures/videos over the past 4 ½ years. She says that she was ‘present’ and enjoyed every one of those moments and that she’d block out the infidelity and feel the guilt at the end of those wonderful days. We brought two children into this world during the affair. She had sex with him on July 3rd while pregnant with our 2nd. Beyond that, I saw the cold disrespectful text messages where she would engage with him before, after and during vacations, on Father’s Day, around my birthday and around our anniversaries. I feel the past 4 ½ years are so painfully tainted. In those pictures, I want so badly to stop dissecting her smile and be able to look at her in a positive light. How do I get my memories pure and special again?

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"I've never not seen it

"I've never not seen it return."

I'm at 5 years. Doing good. The years of her infidelity and the additional years she hid it and lied about it, there has been no return for me. The pics don't feel like a hot knife in the gut anymore. But the special is gone. The memory is tainted.

You said if the BH does the work it will return. Does that mean it is the BHs fault if it doesn't?

I have worked hard and forgiven. But the past is what it is. Those days are marked by millions of lies and scores and scores of sexual encounters. It can't be pure because impurity was introduced to the marriage.

I'm not liking that the video seems to implicate the BH not doing the work if it doesn't return to pure and special/

What type of affair was it?

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