Q&A How Do I Trust That What He Feels for Me Is Real?

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Question: 

I'm stuck trying to process my husband's belief that he was in love during his affair. I understand limerence, that it wasn't real, but that only makes me feel worse because he believed what he felt was love and acted as if he was in love. At the time he thought it was very real and left me to be with her many times. I think, "how could he think this fake thing was love and feel real love for me at the same time? If he knew what real love was like with me, how could he confuse the two? What does that say about me? How do I trust that what he feels for me is real? How could he treat me so terribly and give so much to her if he felt real love for me and puppy love for her?" I can’t put any of those things together for a narrative that makes sense to me. We've been going around this issue for 5 months with no progress and I think it's only getting worse. I don't know how to reprocess those thoughts and fears or create a re-frame to deal with the pain of the emotional connection he thought he had. Knowing it wasn't real isn't helping and only makes me feel worse. I don’t know how to get past this. What can I do to process this, re frame it in a healing way, or move forward?

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