Q&A How Do We Change a Destructive Pattern in Our Marriage?

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Question: 

I find that my husband and I have a pattern. It's not new, it's been this way from the beginning. We connect, I feel safe for a moment, I reach out. He listens for a little while, which makes me more secure as I share. Then he gets defensive and starts correcting my perspective. Then he tells me I'm wrong and starts explaining to me what "really happened" (his perspective). He then spend hours in monologue talking about himself and his pain without ever actually dealing with me. I feel like my broken heart is in a constant wrestling match with his ego for the microphone. Is this normal? Please advise on how I'm meant to deal with this.

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I feel the same way. I

I feel the same way. I experience the same thing with my unfaithful husband. If I try to bring up the huge dead elephant in the middle of the room that I'm constantly tiptoeing around, I receive a long monologue with yelling, with him telling me how I should feel, think, act and speak. I dread the weekend. While I'm at work, my mind is preoccupied. On the weekend I hate facing his presence. I told him how I dread the weekends. His reply was that the weekend is fine until I open my mouth. :(

Bingo. Even when my husband

Bingo. Even when my husband's affair was in full swing, as long as I was cheerful and never mentioned what's her name, he was absolutely wonderful. The moment I tried to talk about it all heck broke loose and the yelling began. He was screaming so loud one time that I thought his eyes were going to pop out of their sockets.