My wife and I are just over one year out from my discovery of her three year long emotional and physical affair. We’ve completed your EMS Weekend and are doing Married for Life in addition to individual & marriage counseling. Since discovery my wife has been transparent and trustworthy and I do have a sense that she accepts responsibility for her having an affair. What seems to be the biggest struggle however is how there has yet to be any real expression of remorse and little to any empathy for the pain she’s caused. We together agree that she likely falls into the avoidant attachment category. She has a proclivity to avoid conflict and has anxiety in social situations where she senses that others are uncomfortable. The problem is that she is highly empathetic towards others. Her affair partner was a lifelong lonely bachelor that she felt immensely sorry for. This empathy and genuine care, juxtaposed to her seemingly complete lack of remorse or care is what keeps my brain spinning. We’ve discussed this calmly and openly over the past year and she says she is unsure as to why it is that way too. She has surmised that perhaps it is because she didn’t cause his loneliness but that since she’s responsible for my hurts that there’s a wall preventing her from expressing sorrow or remorse or empathy. How do we go about dismantling that wall?