Q&A How Do I Let Go of What Happened and Fully Re-Engage with My Mate?

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We are two years into recovery. My husband had an 8-month physical affair and ceased contact once discovery happened. The pain, the limp, is still there for me. I feel like I am still grieving and it is still a shock to me that we are going through it. One of the most painful things for me is that my husband still believes that it was love. I believe it was limerence. I believe it was an addiction to soothe his pain. I wish he could communicate how meaningless it was but all he can say is that he wished it never happened. My question for you is how our sexual relationship seems tainted by this. It feels like it will be broken and tainted forever. I remind myself that he is probably not thinking about the acting out partner when he is with me even though I am. I remind myself that he has chosen to be here with me and that I should try to enjoy him. But I always seem to land in the same place that this covenant was broken and I just grieve the loss. Can you please share how this mindset shifts for couples that have made it to the other side of recovery? I have done Harboring Hope, I am always encouraging him to do Hope for Healing but I think his shame is still too high.



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