Q&A How Do We Move Forward and Heal?

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Question: 

As a betrayed, after 14 years of marriage, children, and what I thought to be a strong marriage, I'm finding myself at 5 months post initial D-Day still very broken. I also feel this to be an erotic injury to my masculinity seeking intamacy as a vital part of the healing process. I'm not sure what to think. My wife had a one night stand in which alcohol was involved that consisted of emotional and physical connection. While it did not progress to the point of sex, my wife did engage and consent initially but as the moments progressed my wife claims to have been violated which potentially stopped the physical aspect from going all the way, there still was detachment and betrayal. I feel angry toward the affair partner, traumatized, inadequate and broken. I connect with AR content but just not sure if it is pointed to any specific type of affair? Is the timeline for healing different in this type of affair? It's hard to be objective having never experienced this before and not a great deal of pointed content to this type of affair. While I chose to believe my wife It's hard to determine dissonance vs. violation which makes me think it's either a deflection point or truly violation. Could this information change over time as my wife sits with her recall of the events? How do I move forward with such questions? I struggle with considering how no alarms went off to really stop her from going to far. And even when alarms were going off she continued to control enough to stop herself from going further but not enough to shut it down.

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