Q&A How Do We Reach Full Disclosure If My Wife Doesn’t Remember the Details?

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My wife and I have been married for four years. We are high school sweet hearts and have been together for 12 and 1/2 years. We are 7 weeks past D-Day where she came clean about a 6 month affair she was having. 5 days later I had asked her about a situation from 10 years ago that made me suspicious that she was cheating then also. She eventually came clean to cheating on me 10 years ago, and having a 3 month relationship with her cousin (not related by blood but they grew up as cousins her whole life). She was 18 and he was 10 years older and married with children. My wife quickly realized she needed to be honest about all of the details of the affair with the second affair partner and answered all of my questions. I believe we have reached full discovery/disclosure with the recent affair but since the first incident happened 10 years ago and she spent those 10 years trying to stuff it down, she doesn’t remember important details like how it started, how it ended, did he break it of or did she, how often they were together, how many times they did anything sexual, etc. She is trying to remember and knows I need to know these details to reach ground zero. My concern is we are in week 2 of EMS Online (Getting to ground zero) and we keep reading in the workbook and watching videos that full disclosure (ground zero) must occur before healing can happen. My question is how do we reach full disclosure if my wife doesn’t remember the details? Also since I’ve known him as family for 12 years, should I confront him and try to get the answers from him? I’m willing to do the work to repair our marriage, but I can’t fix what she doesn’t remember.



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