Q&A How Soon Is Too Soon to Let Yourself Forgive, Hope, and Rebuild?

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Question: 

I am the betrayed spouse and it has been about four months since discovery. My lifelong trust and abandonment issues make forgiveness seem impossible, and although I find my heart wanting to slowly reveal small cracks and become vulnerable and enjoy my spouse, even if briefly, my my brain takes over and screams at what an idiot I am for considering to give him a second chance and reminds me of every act he committed and how my world, identity and family was destroyed. He is really trying to be safe and do what he can, lots of counseling and studying, and this last week began making lists of events from his past to begin finding his “why”. He seems truly remorseful and empathetic- but how can I believe someone who became so good at deceiving me for months? Isn’t it way too soon to start working on true reconciliation- and if so, like I feel it is, how do I navigate this strange limbo of wanting to be partners and maybe even a “dating” relationship, but not ready to be fully recommitted to him out of fear? Is this limbo to be expected until a year or so?

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Thank you SO much for your

Thank you SO much for your help and what feels like validation. I have felt so rushed and pushed towards reconciliation, and I think when I feel that pressure I push further away. EMSO has been tough. Thank you!!!