Q&A If I Learn There Were More People Than I Initially Thought, Does My Healing Process Begin Again?

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My husband is a sex addict in recovery. At the end of October, he presented a full disclosure of having sexual encounters with 50 people. It bumped up to 59 people a week later when analyzed closer by him. After returning from in treatment this month the number rose to 70 & this past weekend he decided to pore over his interactions to be certain. It's now to 80 partners. Do I start my 6 months of initial healing over? Going from 59 at the beginning of November, to 80 human interactions 6 months later, is OVERWHELMING to me.



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More partners

For two years I thought we were dealing with one exit affair after 38 years of marriage. Two weeks ago, after 22 months of trickle truth regarding the one affair, what he considers full disclosure occurred. Three affairs at the beginning years of our marriage, and one 20 + on again off again affair with his "friend". I thought at first that it returned me to square one, but I realize I am so much more stable than I thought. Everything I learned about myself, what I now know to be true about adulterers (deceit, lieing, cowardice, manipulation, self centeredness, egotism) has helped me to understand my marriage and it actually makes sense that he deceived me throughout. He is sick, he felt entitled, no thought was given to what was being taken from my life, from my children's lives. I am grieving but in some ways it took any guilt or thoughts I had that maybe if I had ____ it would have prevented his affair. There was nothing I could have done while there was a third person in my marriage. She was that shadow or unseen force I felt but did not know about. She worked against me while I lived unknowing that I had an enemy. I was not made privy to his deepest needs or wants, to his vulnerability. He opened the door for someone to know intimate details of my life so she could use it to keep him by her side. I have actually felt a kind of interior freedom from guilt or shame about not being enough. I realize he was not enough for me....I was not happy nor fulfilled but was always looking inside of myself and wondering why he just couldn't connect with me....surely I was lacking somehow. I no longer feel this way and even though I grieve and the pain is excruciating, the truth does set you free. My marriage is dead. I have an opportunity to stand back and really ask myself what it is that I want and I know that if he doesn't "get it" I can move on without regret.

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