Q&A If Our Marriage Was So Wonderful, Why Did He Have an Affair?

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Question: 

Before my husbands affair we were incredibly happy with a vibrant sex life, sharing fun hobbies together, weekly date nights, and every night I would spend about 30 minutes just doing things like rubbing his back or feet and telling him how wonderful he is. It was never boring or distant. We both agree on this. The entire time since d-day he has said I was always an amazing wife who gave him everything he needed. I’ve never seen a story like ours where someone cheats with no complaints at all about their marriage. He is trying hard to figure it out too but we are stuck on this question.

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This is where my brain is

This is where my brain is currently at. He has told me our marriage was and always has been a happy one.

Great question!

Thank you for sharing! We find ourselves in a similar situation which can make relating to others in our EMS Online group difficult. Our marriage was one that many looked up to, and that’s genuine. Even just months after discovery, we are uncovering that my husband’s past and upbringing had much to do with desires and unhealed childhood trauma. We now know that pain that isn’t transformed, can be transmitted. Unfortunately, we found out the hard way! Thankfully, I still believe our healthy marriage gave us a firm foundation of trust and love that will help us recover more quickly. We’ll be stronger as we walk through this together.